Hi, my name is Linda, and I am an alcoholic.

My journey is about getting to root causes and conditions that drove me to drink. I believe I was born predestined. I came from a family that drank, and I could not wait to drink. I was resentful when given a "Shirley Temple," when I really wanted the "good stuff." Despite all the fights, problems, and all the negativity that went with it, I believed it was something I needed. It did indeed take me out of me. I started early and drank with a vengeance to escape reality. Reality was indeed very painful, partly because I wasn't getting my way. I thought I had to take control, that alcohol could do for me what I could not do for myself, that it gave me courage, false as it was, to face life on life's terms. I was not able to cope without it, and grew to depend upon it. I did not, however, grow up. It left me very emotionally immature. It turned on me and soured me to life; cut me off from a healthy sense of self; cut me off from a healthy sense of a Higher Power, who I felt really hated me and was punishing me anyway. I came to AA and learned I had a dis-ease, and was uncomfortable in my own skin. And I do believe I was born that way. Then it was explained that I'd started out life as a cucumber but had became a pickle. Alcohol changed me and my thinking, and I could never go back. In other words, I could never drink safely again. I could not go back to being a cucumber. Physically, mentally and spiritually I was turned. I needed to turn it over, trust God, accept my state of being, and live in the solution now. Surely drinking was not the solution, but part of the problem. Now with all the tools I have I am not alone. I've been given a second chance at being human, and living in acceptance. I remember WHO and WHAT I am and I keep it green. Thanks for letting me share.

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