Hi there! Kelly here and I'm an alcoholic.

Recently, I learned something about myself in terms which finally sunk in and helped me. It was that I realized that I'd chosen to be afraid or to have faith. If I was afraid, and having expectations of events and all the creepy mind-boggling stuff that goes with it, then it was my choice. The circumstances were what they were but I could choose to either accept and learn and have faith, or I could corner someone and my Higher Power and go on and on and on about all the possible scenarios and outcomes and how I may not make it through tough challenges without drinking. See, my brain could go 95 in a 19 mph zone easy . get me started on some rant and I couldn't stop for days. I had to know the exact details and the outcome with me driving. I was directing traffic in real life but everyone else was breaking the rules. And it scared the daylights out of me. So it has taken me almost two years of praying and surrendering daily to have enough faith those things will be OK no matter what happens. And since the choice to have faith is in my hands, I think I am responsible, right? I'm not responsible for you, or the world, or the politicians, or the school boards, etc. I am not even responsible for the choices my family makes . not really. Newsflash! I am not God, and I am not in control here, so I may as well go with the flow. It sounds so simple. I think I just got sick of viewing my future based in fears of the past. The key to my staying sober is to choose faith over the ever-destructive fear mode. I choose to stay sober and grow. I have seen many lately who have been sober for a few years but they still dwell in fears, and insist on complaining about stuff that doesn't seem to amount to anything but a molehill. Yes, we alcoholics can make a mountain out of a molehill, but we learn to stop that. I hope we do. I am trying to, aren't you? Moving forward? Isn't that what AA's 12 Steps are for? I don't care how many years you have, if you still act like you are in Junior High School, then I am going to sit on the other side of the room. You can spout off Big Book quotes 'til the cows come home, but if you haven't moved forward and found serenity and faith, then leave me alone because I am looking for the real deal. I am over the past junk and sitting in it all day, and my brain is done with running like a speeding bullet. So what do you choose today? It's on you, not me or AA. What do you choose? Faith? ..or fears and all the gory details?

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