Good morning everyone, my name is Susan and I am an alcoholic.

When I came into these rooms, I was sure I was a victim. I blamed everyone for my problems ... if my dad hadn't done this, been so mean, wasn't a drunk, if my husband would just stay off my back, I wouldn't need to drink. I took everything that happened to me throughout my life, and used it as the reason I had to drink, just to cope, and to get by. When I first came into these rooms, I also started seeing a psychiatrist at about the same time. I came to AA because I thought I was going crazy, and called the doctor to make an appointment. He couldn't see me for two weeks, so I made a midnight phone call to AA. I was in an AA meeting the next day. I spent one year telling that doctor all that had happened in my life and how everyone had wronged me. What I didn't tell him, was that I was also going to AA. Somewhere in the second year, I read in the Big Book where it says we sometimes tell our doctors only what we want them to hear. I finally understood I was using him too ... to feel sorry for poor little old me. But once I saw that reading, I also saw myself. And so I told him. He asked why I hadn't told him before, and my answer was I didn't want him to think badly of me. It turned out that he was an alcohol and drug counselor. He knew the Steps, he knew AA! And so my whole treatment plan changed. We started looking at my part, even though I didn't think I had a part. But I did. The Fourth Step shows us who we really are, and it teaches us we aren't victims. Then we start working to change ourselves. The program of AA has given me a life, taught me how to love myself, and how to accept responsibility for things that have happened to me. No matter what, I always played a role. I am grateful that we have this set of tools to live by today. I am grateful AA has given me a God of my understanding, and I am grateful for all of you.

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