Hi family, my name is Meg and I am an alcoholic.

I have pictures that would indicate I was having a wonderful time. OK, so I was really young in those pictures, and interspersed there are a few vague memories of making a fool out of myself, or my family shaking their heads and saying, "Oh, Meg!" Hey, but I was the Megster! I could pull it off. I could cover my tracks. But I remember being worried and ashamed of my drinking habit ... scared ... long before I had the courage to do anything about it. I remember the late night prayers to God to please help me, and that I would do anything to not drink. I just didn't know what to do. And then, even when I knew what the next indicated step was, I was too afraid to take it. I remember the courage it took to check myself into treatment fifteen years ago, when no one knew I was an alcoholic except those closest to me ... unfortunately, that included my three-year-old son. I remember how proud I was when I finished that treatment program, and I remember how relieved I was when I accepted that alcoholism was really a disease. I remember learning everything I could about this disease from an intellectual standpoint, to the point that I earned certification in drug and alcohol counseling six years ago. But the main thing I must remember is that after all of that, my alcoholic brain convinced my sober brain that I really wasn't an alcoholic. And I remember how delighted I was to take my first drink after nine years, thinking that it would be OK. And boy! Do I remember how not OK it was! I relapsed for over ten months. I remember throwing a lamp at my then twelve-year-old son. That was, I pray, my last drink. I remember being ashamed and terrified to come back to AA, but I also remember how I was so warmly welcomed. My longtime sponsor, whom I had not talked to in a year said, "Of course, you drank. You are an alcoholic!" I also remember every sentence of every conversation I had yesterday and today. I remember where I parked my car last night. And I remember that I have not had a drink in over four years. But most importantly, I will not drink today, and always remember that I love you all!

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