Hello everyone, Susan here, alcoholic.

Before coming into AA, I thought it was everyone else who had the problem -- if my ex would just stay off my back, I wouldn't have to drink; if work wasn't so demanding, I wouldn't have to drink. I came into AA because I thought I was losing my mind and the psychiatrist couldn't see me for two weeks, so I was tricked into an AA meeting! I went to three meetings, drunk at all three. At that third meeting, someone gave me a copy of the Big Book. I went home and started reading it. I didn't want to be an alcoholic. You know, those people sit under bridges and drink cheap wine out of paper bags. So I was not going to admit I was one of you -- I wasn't that bad. But when I got home that night and started reading Chapter Three, "More About Alcoholism," I started seeing myself. I had tried drinking milk to coat my stomach, so I wouldn't get "as" drunk, but the thought never occurred to me to drink less. I couldn't do that -- once I picked up a drink, I had to drink until I blacked out. That was how I lived. I continued reading Chapter Three. It says to take the test ... I knew I could not go into a bar, drink one drink, and leave. And then it talks about the jay-walker (p. 37). How many times do we have to get run over to realize we might be doing something wrong? What amazed me more than anything else was that this book was written before I was born and they knew more about me than people who had known me my whole life. What a relief! It was a blessing to know that there were others out there who thought like me. You see, drinking is just a symptom of my disease. I don't think right. But this program not only has taught me how not to drink, it has taught me how to live. I may not always be on the beam, but I try on a daily basis to do the next right thing. If any of you newcomers don't have a Big Book yet, get one! It may save your life too.

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