My name is Bonnie, and I am an alcoholic.

As ditsy as I was (and still am), somewhere in my subconscious I noticed that those who made the coffee, set up chairs, passed the basket, brought cookies, greeted at the door were the happiest, most serene members in AA. Hmmmmmmm ... could be something to that! Many of them were the quiet folk who didn't have a bombastic oratory or a litany of AA quotes to deliver during the sharing. Interesting. The person who carried the message to me was the one who came up to me and held out her hand, when I was not someone I would want to meet. Those who were into the Steps, prompt to make amends, always contributed what they could, who were not only civil, but also smiling and glowing ... those were the ones I wanted to be. So I did what they did. No lectures, no pressure, no guilt trips. I've begun to realize that I really didn't absorb the words as much as the actions and demeanors of those who welcomed me to the Fellowship. My brain was too fuzzy, anyway, to intellectualize. And then there are the ones who have what I don't want: the ego trips, the moping and drunkalogues ... the ones who make me feel guilty if I don't do this right, or on time, or in the way they think AA should be done. Today, I need to be aware that grandma was right, "your actions speak so loudly that I can't hear what you say." Someone new may be watching, but more importantly, simply doing the Steps to the best of my ability and being willing to serve, make for a happy sobriety for me, plain and simple. Sure is nice to be one among you in a loving Fellowship. Thank you for your patience, God isn't done with me yet.