I'm Karimah, an imperfect alcoholic.

My perfectionism started at an early age. Throughout my school years, it was unacceptable for me not to be able to do something. If I wasn't perfect at it, I was afraid people would think I wasn't trying or I was lazy. I was motivated by fear. However, I dealt with mine by trying to be good at everything. I felt I had to be, because that defined my worth as a human being. If I couldn't do something, then you wouldn't think anything of me. I needed you to think I was competent, because I knew I wasn't. That's a big burden for a little girl, but it's an even bigger burden for an insecure, shy woman. But I had my 'medication,' and that made me powerful. Until it turned on me and made me an ordinary drunk. Early in recovery, I thought I had to be perfect in recovery. Especially since it was my second (or third) go-round. Obviously, I had to know how to do it perfectly. I felt I must have the wisdom and awareness of the oldtimers. It is only by the grace of God that I didn't drink. I sure was miserable. Now, I feel it's OK to be ordinary. Only difference is, now I'm not compelled to try everything and anything just to impress you. Now, when I try new things, it's because I want to, and I feel a real sense of accomplishment when I master a new feat. But today, I'm not perfect. And I can share that with you and know that I'm still okay and that you're not going to turn on me because of it. What freedom and what an amazing blessing! Love you all and I'm so very happy to have made it here tonight.

Thanks for listening.