My name is Bonnie, and I am an alcoholic.

I confess I did the Steps out of order. I skipped to Step Eleven before I even knew what it was. I prayed a lot, for forgiveness, for help, for answers, for blessings, for getting me out of my messes. Today prayer can be made a daily thing permeating each action of the day, not just a morning and evening thing, but simply by giving the day to God to guide. I don't always do that, but when I do, living just in today becomes a whole lot easier. However, in the beginning I drove my sponsor crazy with my "what ifs ...?" and "if only I hadn't ..." The past had so much to be fixed, buried, thrown off somehow. I couldn't wait to have ten years sobriety in two. I was incessantly worried and fretted about the future; money, job, my kids, my rocky marriage. One late night phone call she asked me, "do you have clean sheets?" well, yes ... "do you have gas in the car?... food in the fridge? ... are your kids all tucked in? ... are you sober today?" ... well, yes, yes ... and on she went ... "Now what is the best thing you could be doing right now?" ... Say my prayers of gratitude and go to sleep, right? Safe in the knowledge that my Higher Power has taken good care of me so far. So, she clarified to me all that was right today, and reminded me of all the resources and tools and gifts that I have right now, this minute ... a good sponsor, sobriety, home and hearth, and the day well-lived. I need to remember that just because one thing is wrong, there is much that is right. And prayer is not only an act of supplication, but of rejoicing and praise for blessings. And finally, if I pray, why worry ... if I worry, why pray? I think I can do just about anything now ... just for today.