Hello, my name is Paul G., a very happy and grateful alcoholic.

Today, I have so much love and happiness in my life that occasionally I have to look long into the mirror to see who that guy is and why he is so calm and relaxed. I used to think happy-looking people were phony, ignorant, or just annoying. I always looked for the differences, the weak spot, or some way to be better than others. Otherwise, I felt less than. I wanted everyone to just leave me alone. They did. I became really lonely and sad. I felt sorry for myself, and angry with everyone for making me that way. I drank harder to fight them, the loneliness, and the fear of failure. Even though I was very afraid of failing, I would never admit it. Until March 4, 1991, when all I had left was gone. I couldn't hide it anymore. I was done. I gave up. I reached out to a local hospital for help, they referred me to a therapist and he referred me to AA. For a while I was in a fog and just followed people around, doing what they did. I went to meetings every day and after a month or so, I found a sponsor who started me off by suggesting I try talking to a Higher Power. One very tough night, I walked out into the night, and with a tear-stained face, said, "God, please help me." He did. But I had to be dragged into doing a lot of the things I had resisted or put off until they became too painful to avoid. Like the Steps, bills, credit report, etc. I learned that I was afraid, and too stubborn to admit it. I asked God to help me with these things and little by little, I stepped through them and they got done. Then things got better. Sobriety has given me new tools and new goals. My purpose now is to be of maximum service, not maximum efficiency -- to God, and to those about me. I had to quiet my inner self and the life I led so that people could love me again and want to be around me. They did, and life is all around me now, close, like a warm wool blanket on a winter day. I wish the same for you, my friends. It is good!