My name is Bonnie, and I am an alcoholic.

Knowing God is an elusive thing. Sometimes feeling the Presence just comes. Perhaps after some ordeal, or simply with a well-lived day or act. Sometimes days of seeking feel unrewarded. Too much brainwork is not conducive to intuiting God, but meditation, thoughtful silence, and listening, works. Like a moth to the flame metaphor. Do I really, really, want to be totally open to that Power which is so vast, mysterious, unknowable and greater than puny I? That might mean I would really have to clean up my human act here. Man has always sought the divine, though. Man strives to be noble, but I know very well my humanity is going to foul things up. And therefore, the "clean-up" steps of AA are very useful. The interesting thing is that being touched, tagged, marked by a wondrous spiritual contact or deeply felt experience of God can bring sobriety and a sense of rightness that lasts for a very long time. Most days, I just plug along in the mire of daily duties and life survival skills. It is very important that the merry-go-round be stopped so that the spirit can connect with that primal essence, whether it is manifested in nature, in a quiet church, or in my back yard in the gentle breeze. Otherwise, what in the world are we doing here? So short is life, and so inane seems the daily do. When life disappointments descend and my human frustrations reach peak saturation then it is that God really, really, "loves " me. As someone once told me in the midst of my whining, "Gee, God is just plain crazy about us!"