Hello all! I'm Jimmy, an alcoholic.

When topics like this one hit the floor, I know I am in the right place! I had to go into a therapeutic treatment facility .. a 12-month program ... because of rising waves of self-centered fears. I drank for many years. There was a body of evidence, which clearly I was afraid of, and yet I had ingrained habits of thinking. I knew of no other way to change. I could usually escape detection by others, but I just could not fool my innermost self. So I felt doomed to drink to cover up deeply ingrained hatreds against people who either didn't care, or didn't even know I hated them. That's the kind of alcoholic I am ... the 'licensed-to-be-angry' type, or the 'I-won't-tell-you' type, but will smolder and hold on to hatreds. I drank because of ... then, later, in spite of. I saw a glimpse of what I needed to do in the Fourth Step, where it spoke to me about my instincts, and how placing an instinct over all else gets me into trouble. There, I could finally write down what was really wrong with me and place those root causes alongside things I actually did right. Have you ever heard of "Zero States?" It's a mental condition, which is formed by thinking patterns that tell me I am worthless and, what's more, everybody around me thinks this too. Also, they say the condition is permanent. I had to get right down to the real nitty-gritty, and face these unfaceable things. Today, the door is opening to the Eleventh and Twelfth Steps, service, and asking my Higher Power to please remove my shortcomings because I am so afraid. He helps the helpless. I know ... He helps me.