Hello, my name is Sean and I'm an alcoholic.

I was taught a few years back, when I was first coming around, that I had to be very careful about negative emotions. I brought much anger, hate, and fear into AA with me. I was told that unless I dealt with them and got rid of them, I would take them out with me again. If we were to live, we had to be free of anger (Big Book, p. 66). I know today, that when I feel anger, it is difficult for me to help anyone else, and it is time for me to get some help. I can very easily remember back to when anger would cause me to drink. Far from making me feel better, drinking usually made me even angrier. I see many things in life that upset me, that make me angry. I see them in the newspapers, in the streets, and sadly even in these rooms. I have to let go of that anger if I am to be of any use to anyone. An angry person is of no use even to himself. If I find myself staying angry for more than a few minutes, I have to look at myself and ask, "Am I working the program?" This program has taught me that anger and recovery cannot coexist. One or the other must go. I was a very angry person when I was drinking. In sobriety, I am happy and calm. I cannot afford anger unless I wish to drink again. I was close to death when I found these rooms, if I'm lucky, I'd die if I drink again. I'm not especially scared of death today. Life is good these days. What scares me about the thought of drinking again is that I might not die. Things got pretty bad toward the end of my drinking. I don't want to find out how much worse they could get. Getting sober was hard enough once, I don't know if I could do it again. Today, I choose to live free of anger.