Joannie here, an alcoholic for sure.

I was in such pain when I walked through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous, I didn't want to live. My drinking career began because I wanted to block the pain in my life ... emotional, physical, and mental pain. I was an abused housewife and mother, and I drank to escape. Drinking blocked that pain for a while, but it also blocked the good things in my life, like enjoying my children. By the time I got to AA I was sick of hurting and crying, and drinking compounded the pain. I was told I needed to change, but it wouldn't be easy. I wanted "easy." I felt I deserved "easy." I didn't get "easy." I learned that I had to go through some pretty tough stuff to get to the rewards that were waiting for me. Things like the fourth and fifth Steps. I decided I couldn't do that. I quit. I quit doing the Steps at Step Three. After almost three years I also quit meetings, and I drank again. It took me three years of trying to drink socially. It also took the death of my husband ... my drinking partner and sometime abuser. By that time, I was beaten down to the core. I was willing to do whatever it took just to get out of the place I was in. I literally crawled back into the meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous. This time I listened. This time I got a sponsor ... one who would not let me wimp out, one who told me if I wanted to change, I had to work through the pain. I found a second sponsor who was gentler, but firm about what I needed to do and explained why I needed to do the Steps. I didn't like it, but I did them. Through that pain came the change I was looking for. It wasn't a flash before my eyes, but it came. And it came because I had finally been willing to go to any length. I had been willing to go through the pain of looking at my past and my part in it. In it, I found new freedom. I found I wasn't such a terrible person after all. My Higher Power was beside me the whole way and I called on Him often. He never let me down. He gave me the courage to change. I became willing to go through the pain to gain a new life. Thanks to Alcoholics Anonymous for my new life.