Hello everyone! My name is Susan, and I am an alcoholic.

When I came into the rooms of AA I knew I had a problem. I had quit drinking for seven years through my church, having never stepped into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I managed to stay dry those years by the grace of God. But all I was doing was not drinking. So, the first half of Step One was fairly easy for me. Now, the second part, " -- that our lives had become unmanageable," was a whole different story. I went back out and drank for eleven months after there were two deaths in my family within two months. After I had played around with this program for a couple of years, I was miserable, and decided it was time to get busy and get into action. I thought I was well on my way, since I had already quit drinking before on my own, and so when I started the Steps, I thought it was going to be a breeze getting through Step One. I really believed my life was manageable. I was still able to go to work every day, I was still a wife, I still had a home, I still fixed dinner for my kids every night, and I paid my bills on time. I was managing just fine, thank you! So, I was sure I was ready to get on with the next Step. Wrong! My sponsor worked very hard with me, trying to get me to open up and admit that my life was indeed unmanageable. She finally had me open up the Big Book to page 52, and suggested I answer questions in regard to what I did when these things happened: What did I do when I had trouble with personal relationships? I drank. What did I do when I couldn't control my emotions? I drank. What did I do when I was prey to misery and depression? I drank. What did I do when I had a feeling of uselessness? I drank. What did I do when I was full of fear? I drank. What did I do when I was unhappy? I drank. What did I do when I felt useless to other people? I drank. A real manageable life I had going, don't you think? That homework assignment was what it took for me to see just how unmanageable my life really was. It takes what it takes, but today I am truly happy, joyous, and free!