I am Pamela, an alcoholic.

It is so important that I don't write scripts for myself or anyone. That I don't have expectations for any particular day or event. It is very important that I concentrate on my own part, my own actions, my own business. Often the action I am to take is to sit quietly and await direction from God. That's what "Be still and know that I am God" means to me today. So often I must be still and be quiet to be at peace. I can do that anywhere, any time. I don't need to necessarily be away from the raucous in order to be at peace – I merely need to pull within myself and be still and KNOW. God is always available – any time, any place. There is a loneliness in spiritual sickness that no person could know who hasn't been there – that loneliness cannot be satisfied with people, with drugs or alcohol, with sex or other activities – that loneliness can only be filled with God connection. That's what I call 'filling the big empty' – a human condition that we alcoholics seem to have in the extreme. Our fear of FEELING is so intense, we often will do anything NOT to FEEL. This is the insanity. Feelings must be survived by sitting still in them, acknowledging them, and letting God guide us THROUGH them. I have been amazed in my recovery to discover that feelings will not kill me, that grief will not kill me, and that God can and will rescue me from despair when I humbly and sincerely seek His support.