I'm Melinda, an alcoholic.

Before I realized I had this disease, I had all the answers. I thought I knew everything. To me, everyone else was beneath me, instead of an equal. Ten years ago, I was eighteen and working in a fine restaurant. We were supposed to fold the napkins into a perfect triangle... "three folds to perfection." I was taught the correct way to do it, but decided to fold them the way I wanted to. They looked good, they looked the same, nobody noticed the difference, so I thought it was okay. My life was the same. I looked good, and nobody noticed a difference in me, except me. Just like that napkin. I became a single mother at the age of twenty-one, and I was going to prove to everyone I was perfect, even while living in shame and fear and guilt. I was not going to let anyone bring me down to their level. I thought I stood on a pedestal looking down upon others, but my self-esteem went to hell. I looked normal on the outside, but if you flipped me inside out, you would find that the phony napkin. You'd be able to see the difference. In time, this fake folded napkin was thrown through the wash and tumbled through the dryer. I looked terrible. I could hold myself together for only so long before I fell completely apart. The glue I was using to keep myself together finally broke away. I felt as if I'd been thrown in the trash and forgotten. Others were looking down on me. I'd toppled off the pedestal, and for the first time I realized I was alone and very scared. I forgot how to fold that phony napkin to make it look nice, so it looked horrible because it was not right. I have to relearn how to fold. One Step at a time. I try to help others as others have helped me. I know what it is like to feel empty. When I went to my first AA meeting, I was like a scared little puppy in the corner. Well, now that I'm housebroken, I get happy and excited when I go to a meeting. I'm relearning how to fold that napkin the right way, and someday I'll get it right. It may not be today or tomorrow, but I'm trying like heck, and I'm succeeding. I am a more giving person now, I will do what I can to cheer up a sad person, or to help a disabled person in AA get some coffee. It makes me feel good. I am not above anyone, nor I am below anyone. I am right here eye-to-eye with all of you, and that is how I like it, because it was very lonely when I thought I was at the top. There was no one else there. I love being here, I like all of you, you have made me feel welcome, and I am on my way to bettering myself every day. My napkin is almost finished. Thank you!

- Melinda