My name is Tracy, and I'm an alcoholic.

When I got sober in July of '99 I assumed the worst was over. I had finally made up my mind to get sober and join AA. I had heard a lot of people in the rooms talk about "receiving the gift of AA from God," but never really bought into it. I was sure it was through my own willpower that I got, and could stay, sober. That AA would "help," but it was I who was keeping me sober. I made up my own mind to get and stay sober. This is my deal, not God's. Plus, if it was God that got me sober, where were all the good things that were supposed to be happening to me? I thought it would be like winning the Publisher's Clearing House money. You know, the balloons, the camera crew at your door, the trip to Hawaii, and the big check for a million dollars.

Recently, I've been reading about the brain and addiction to learn just how my brain changed through drink. In one of the articles it said the only way out of addiction was through a 12-Step program. That we had to change our habits, change our friends, and talk to one another in order to change. After reading this article though, it dawned on me. I haven't really changed that much in my life. I didn't have to change my friends because I didn't have any anymore. I didn't change going out at night as I just got drunk at home every night alone. I didn't change talking to people, I was still isolating as much as when I was drunk every day. My sober life was really the same minus the drink. Then it hit me ... it's God that's doing this. It isn't me and my willpower. I've been given the gift.

This gift is better than any giant check for a million bucks. Now I hang on to this gift with two hands every day. By God's grace I'm sober, not by my ego, not by my willpower.

- Tracy