My name is Jennifer and I'm an alcoholic.

Acceptance is something that is not always easy for me. When I was drinking, it was hard for me to accept that my problem was a disease and I could surrender to it or fight it. I blamed every outside thing I could; my parent's divorce, the abusive boyfriend, the untimely deaths of his parents. Within six months after I began to drink, I knew I was an alcoholic. I guess I had to travel the road of pain before I was going to do something about it. When I was finally beaten down enough to a very hard, physical, financial and emotional bottom, I knew my thinking needed a drastic change if I was going to live my life as a responsible, loving, person -- something I knew nothing about. At the end of my drinking, accepting that I was an alcoholic was not difficult. It was when I got sober and started working the Steps, that acceptance became somewhat difficult. Being sober for almost two years, a lot of issues have come up -- a grandmother died, my mother was sick, I became engaged and broke it off, and I was faced with the very real aspect of cervical cancer. Many times during these situations, I questioned my Higher Power. I would ask, "Is this what I got sober for?" and, "why me?" I reached out to other alcoholics so they could help me understand and accept that my God knew what He was doing; that there was a plan for me, and God was not going to bring me this far for nothing. Once I was able to accept the circumstances, I was also able to learn a valuable lesson. I was able to "show up" for each of these situations. I was able to "get through" them. If I were still drinking, I know I would be locked in some small apartment, not answering my phone or my door, drinking around the clock, not being there for myself or other family members who needed me. Acceptance, for me, is the path to peace.

- Jennifer