I'm Colleen, an alcoholic.

I don't try to find fault with the way anyone else is working their program, though I sometimes feel I may be working mine a bit differently. I had to forgive myself at once, for not to do so would mean death to me. Most of my alcohol use was directly for the purpose of not having to deal with my "stuff." I did not want any more pain, I did not want to look at the wreckage my life had become. I did not want to even look in the mirror at the woman I had become. I tried to get out of that as well. I said, "Why do I need forgiveness if I have a disease? People with cancer do not go around apologizing about it." People in the room let me know very clearly, that it was not the disease I needed to be sorry for, but for the horrible things I did under the influence. So even today that kind of burden is a dangerous place to be. Today, I do not regret the past nor wish to close the door on it. I simply pick up the tools and try to live a better life.
- Colleen