Hi, my name is Jo-Anne and I'm an alcoholic.

After many meetings, I still find that stating my first name, and acknowledging that I'm an alcoholic, gives me some relief from anxiety. It's reassurance that I'm on the right track, that my day will be better than I fear ... simply because I have a glimmer of who and what I am. Some days, fear and anxiety threaten to overwhelm me. At 46, I'm unemployed and, judging from the job market, I'm pretty much unemployable in my chosen field (computer sales). Married with no children, a huge part of my sense of self has always come from my job. Although the program has taught me that it's mostly my own ego that is served through work, the loss of a job feels devastating. I don't know who I am, don't know what to do with myself and I constantly revisit my work history, looking for clues as to why I was one of those laid off, instead of one of the ones who got to stay. I can't separate self-pity from honest self-assessment, and it's not always easy to apply the principles of this program to the realities of life. Today, I only know three things for sure: 1) I have no desire to drink, and that is a God-given gift. 2) I have the ability to obsess and make a small problem huge, God has the ability to take a huge problem and make it small ... if I let Him. 3) If I can't let go of my obsessive need to worry, I can pray for the willingness to try to let go. Praying for the willingness to become willing is part of the foundation of my sobriety. Thank you for my sobriety and thank you for listening.
- Jo-Anne