My name is Debbie, and I am an alcoholic.

I have been dealing with anger these past few days. I keep in mind it is fear-based, and if I can get rid of the fears, I don't need to be angry. I also lose the connection to my Higher Power, and that will surely throw me off the deep end. I think it has to do with the upcoming holidays, and parties. During this season, like all others, I used to drink a lot, and I am angry that I can't just have one or two like other folks and keep a normal life. But I can't, and the sooner I get used to that the better off I am. But my desire to drink creeps up when I haven't been to enough meetings, or I get ticked off at my husband for having a beer on football Sunday. Once I make my connection again with my Higher Power, I am OK. But it just goes to prove to me, that this is never completely gone. I have to deal with it always... always be watchful of the signs. Anger being one of them. I am not anyone but myself, and I can only do what I can do, and having a drink is not one of the things I can do. So, I get to more meetings, pray more, make more calls, check in here at AAOnline more often, and the desire is lifted. I take my inventory again, and do what needs to be done. I apologize where I need to... and lately I have needed to... but the point is that I do... and things get better, not worse. They only will get worse if I do pick up that first drink, which I pray I never do, because there won't be just one or two, I know that, and all I've gained through this program will be lost. And I have gained a lot! My self-respect being the most important. Thanks everyone for allowing me to share.

Love and peace, Deb.